On the Significant Correlation Between Clouds and Cottage Cheese, Which I Have Been Avoiding

• I have been aware of this correlation for three hundred and twelve years. I have not addressed it. This was a decision.
• Cumulus clouds: white, soft, irregular in texture, loosely held together. Cottage cheese: white, soft, irregular in texture, loosely held together. I am not saying they are the same thing. I am saying I cannot immediately prove they are not.
• Rain is water falling from clouds. Cottage cheese is approximately seventy-nine percent water. I find this figure deeply unhelpful.
• Snow is rain that has reconsidered. Frozen cottage cheese is also a thing that exists. I checked.
• My first principle: cheese cannot be made of clouds. This has served me well for six hundred and forty-three years.
• The cottage cheese problem approaches from the left flank. I had not anticipated a left flank.
• Aristotle wrote that things which resemble each other share a common essence. Aristotle never stood in a field during a hailstorm eating cottage cheese. I have. The experience does not resolve the question. It does, however, provide data.
• The distinction I have arrived at: cottage cheese exists on a plate. Clouds exist in the sky. The geography saves the principle.
• Someone will ask: what about cottage cheese left outside?
• I have asked them to leave.
• René would say: I doubt the cottage cheese, therefore I doubt the cloud, therefore I doubt the distinction. This is why René is not allowed to have principles.
• The correlation is significant. The conclusion is not available.
• Some problems require patience. Some require cheese. This one requires both.
• I am running low on one of them.